Surviving (and Being Helpful) in a World that Isn't Home

Yesterday's post may have implied that I somehow felt superior to the girls who became my neighbors as time passed and the farms disappeared. That was not the case at all. One of them was a model, about my size. She noted our obvious relative poverty and brought over bags of clothing once or twice after photo shoots (She was always being given clothes she did not need or want after the photo sessions). She tried to check on me frequently, and really provided friendship when I needed it, in a sensitive way. I still have a few things she gave me, 20 years later. 

I just felt very, very different. Once everyone matured and the bullying stopped (early high school was pretty rough for me), things were great. Even the boys, noting how I cringed when they used bad language, tried to control it around me (I took a lot of math/sci classes, where girls were a minority), and I tried in turn not to act too surprised when they slipped.

Moving to a big city to get my Ph.D. was a jolt about as culturally shocking as going to school with very wealthy children, but in the opposite direction. I did not see beggars on almost every corner (they seem to work in shifts here) back home. Poverty here means living on food stamps or fast food and church handouts, not garden-grown food and fish from the river. It's a different paradigm of poverty, and must be handled differently.

How to help, even in hard economic times?

1. DO NOT GIVE OUT CASH if you can help it. I saw a beggar regularly on my route to a different school a few years ago, and I started making him a small lunch- sandwich and fruit.He seemed to appreciate it. You might also keep an inexpensive coat in the car to give if someone looks cold (quilt-lined hooded sweatshirts are really warm, and quite popular). 

2. Donate to charitable organizations you trust. They can feed people effectively.

3. Be sensitive to the needs of people around you. Give a good starter cookbook to a college girl struggling to meet budget and needing to learn to cook. Hem up a co-worker's pants or let out a garment for them. Offer skilled help when you do not have money. From someone who grew up in a cash-strapped home, such things are usually welcomed and not as embarrassing as being offered bare cash.

When your values differ drastically from those of the surrounding culture, life can be difficult. Being helpful- and being humble enough to accept help when you need it- bridges the gaps. It doesn't make this world Home, but it does make it a bit more livable until we get There.